Monday, June 26, 2006

search me (thoroughly)

We really think we know ourselves. After all, only one lucky soul is privy to the rumblings inside our head, the feel of being that comes from living inside this familiar skin, and the wants, dreams and desires that fuel our daily regimen.
We are convinced of that knowing. We are also dead-sure that no one understands us but our very selves. Shouldn't the expert on me be....well, ME? But here it is, folks, in black & white, p.693 in the Amplified Version of the Bible:

O LORD, you have searched me and have known me.
You know my downsitting and my uprising. You understand my thought afar off.
You sift and search out my path and my lying down,
and You are acquainted with all my ways.

For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered],
but, behold, O Lord,
You know it altogether.

Search me [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there is any wicked or hurtful way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139:1-4, 23-24

Here are some things I have known about myself from childhood:

1. Books were invented for me to enjoy. I have always loved books.

2. Pianos were meant to be played by yours truly. What's so hard about 88 keys? Okay,
and three pedals. oh, two (sometimes more) staves. Whatever. It's my thing.

3. I like solitude. Nobody believes me on this one. I could take a 10-hour road trip, alone, and
never think of turning the radio on, not even once. Honest. This love of quiet has (so far) kept me from owning a cell phone.

Here are some things I wouldn't have known about myself, that I know now:

1. I love to cook for company. Love it, love it. The whole thing from menu-planning, table decor, food presentation, and accompanying background music.

2. I have loved raising my little darlings, homeschooling them, and just hangin' with the fam. Years back, I wasn't what anyone would call the mothering type. Well, well.

3. Keeping house is one of my joys. Strange but true.

4. I love being around people. This one is hard to reconcile with my love for solitude. But that's why I own a kayak that seats ONE.

What new things will I learn about the job of being me as the years unfold? I won't rule anything out, because I won't want to miss a trick. Don't think that my own clever self is responsible for any of this, though. I would've missed so very much if the above verses weren't my constant prayer.

I think I'm finished downsitting at the computer. It's off to bed.


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