Friday, July 20, 2007

comforting scraps

Heartbreaking things.
Serious things.
Sad things.
And other harsh realities of life.

Topics such as these have been absent from my electronic pages as of late. It's not that brokenness, sorrow, and disappointment are uncommon in my sphere; I have chosen not to expound upon them regularly. One might read dozens of blog entries and get a skewed picture of me, this Exuberant Expounder of Everyday Events. I am not just the lady who bounds off to Spain, socializes with the company that mows down our front door, and quivers with expectation in the front row of church before worship commences. I am also the lady who worries too much, can't seem to maintain a regular prayer-life, and is sorely grieved by her own shortcomings. That's me, alright. All of the above, in varying measures depending on the time of day and the changeable transparency of my persona.
So complicated am I that is it any wonder that I have three personal angels? I really do. At least, according to Lloyd, a guy that goes to my church. Lloyd is kind of different but still nice. He has a gift of seeing angels, I guess, and I've been around the block enough to not scoff at such stuff. A few years ago, he took me aside during coffee hour to give me a scrap of notebook paper full of earnest scribbling. According to Lloyd, he rarely sees more than one angel around a person, but in my case, he saw three. This got my attention. Here is, verbatim, what he wrote:

1) Angel of Obedience - person willingness to follow all of God's leading with no hesitation.
2) Angel of Love and Dedication- he loves the Lord with all his mind. He dedicates his life daily to the Lord. GREAT is the love of the Lord to him.
3) Angel of Worship and Praise- this person heart is deeply tuned to the Lord. Kneeling and praising, raising of hand is common to this person especially during services and in private devotions.

I'm not sure what it all means, but I liked it so much that I keep it tucked in my bible. If three angels weren't enough, Lloyd tacked this note onto the bottom of the page:

The Lord will answer her most inner fervent prayers.

To hold my worrisome, undisciplined, and grieved self in check against the mounting tide of the heartbreaking, the serious and the sad wreckage all around me, sometimes I read scraps of paper like these. I tuck them back into the dark, cool, recesses of the Old Testament and let them be for awhile. And even though I'm not completely sold on the angel-thing, I feel better equipped for the job ahead. I mean, c'mon. Who gets three angels?

Come to think of it, counting Lloyd, that's makes four.

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